There is probably not one mother ,who has not been asked (even if ever so subtly) how she manages her career and her role as a mother. Or any woman who has not had to content with questions about her martial status and the negative reactions to it. From an employee's perspective, it seams that you are "dammed if you do and dammed if you don't". If you are single, then you are inadequate because you have not found a man to marry (and one day you will and then where will your employer be when that happens...). If you are married you are inadequate because the first child will come long soon...If you are a mother, you are inadequate because you already have children. If you are a grandmother you are inadequate because you are too old...and the list goes on.
I have to admit, that I have never heard my male acquaintances complain about marital status question at interviews. I have to admit that I deeply resent that fact that women still get asked about this issue in the 21st century. But I can only change the world one step at a time...
If you are interviewing for a job, this means you want to find employment. This translates to the fact that unfortunately, it is not in your best interest to pick up a fight about feminism and chauvinism at the work place in the middle of a job interview. Many women ask, what can be done. Here is my advise.
The guideline for any job interview is to keep a positive attitude and to sell yourself as a professional and efficient employee. Do not get personal, its business.
This means that you have to control the interview and steer it in the direction of professionalism always. Get the message across that you can do the job you are interviewing for in the best way.
It would look weird if you avoid answering the marital status question entirely, so I suggest that you do answer it in straight, simple and laconic terms. "yes I am Married". "I am single". "I have two children". You do not however have to provide further details if you do not wish to (e.g as a single woman, are you in a relationship? How old your children are etc.). The way to avoid getting deeper into questions one may find too personal is by taking your answer in a different direction, one that is relevant to the professional aspect of your abilities as a prospective employee.
If you are asked about your martial status, concentrate you answer about availability for travelling and extra hours. This is after all what your prospective employer is concerned about. Talk about your capabilities in muiti- tasking and organisation, talk about time management. You can mention your family if you like ("Hey, I have 4 kids, I know how to run time schedules for them all"), or you can remain more aloof (I, like all working mothers, use various solutions available to me and I can fulfill all the tasks as is required for my job in the best manner").
Taking control of your interview and steering it to the direction you want, delivering the messages you choose is the key to selling yourself, as you choose to do. You are not inadequate, no matter what your marital status is! You should not allow anyone, especially not prospective employers to make you feel inadequate. You might even rethink your decision to work at a certain place if you do not feel well in an interview. Remember that you are also scoping the workplace and seeing if it fits for you, its a two way street! There i a saying "begin as you wish to go on", this is true for the workplace as well. If you shrink away at the start, you will always do so. If you are proud of who you are in an interview you will remain proud when you become an employee.
I am reminded of an episode of "Yes Prime Minister", in which Sir Humphrey teaches Bernard not to let journalists carry him to undesired directions if interviewed. Sir Humphrey explains that if one is asked a question one does not want to answer then the answer should be about what one wants to talk about and the original question avoided. Sir Humphrey demonstrates to Bernard by saying: "I think the real question is... and then you make another statement of your own!"
The advice is this post is relevant for men as well. They may not have to specifically face the martial status and motherhood questions but men too should begin as they wish to go on, when looking for a new job. Good luck everyone!
